Articles
The Eulogy
I have been to my share of funerals. I don’t know the statistics on how many funerals the average individual attends in their lifetime, but I would guess that I’m already over my limit. By middle age, most of us have buried our grandparents and possibly a parent, but by my 20s I had already been to a few. I lost a couple of classmates when I was in high school. My mother and some of my grandparents died when I was young. In the last few years, I have been present to remember the lives of old and young alike. I have been to the memorials of those lost unexpectedly and those whose deaths were expected but no less crushing to the family. Old age, accidents, COVID-19, and cancer have taken away some beautiful people in my recent past.
Funerals vary from person to person and family to family. Funeral directors usually have the options neatly laid out for family members dealing with the task of laying their loved ones to rest: Funeral or memorial? Bury or cremate? Open or closed casket?
I have been to my share of funerals. I don’t know the statistics on how many funerals the average individual attends in their lifetime, but I would guess that I’m already over my limit. By middle age, most of us have buried our grandparents and possibly a parent, but by my 20s I had already been to a few. I lost a couple of classmates when I was in high school. My mother and some of my grandparents died when I was young. In the last few years, I have been present to remember the lives of old and young alike. I have been to the memorials of those lost unexpectedly and those whose deaths were expected but no less crushing to the family. Old age, accidents, COVID-19, and cancer have taken away some beautiful people in my recent past.
Funerals vary from person to person and family to family. Funeral directors usually have the options neatly laid out for family members dealing with the task of laying their loved ones to rest: Funeral or memorial? Bury or cremate? Open or closed casket?What coffin, what cemetery, what music, what pictures, what minister, what pallbearers, what date and time? So many decisions in such a short, stressful time. But with all of these options, one thing that almost all remembrance services feature is a eulogy. I know this is a macabre thing to speak about, but I hope you will allow me to share with you something positive from my personal experience with the loss of friends and loved ones.
A eulogy is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as “a speech or piece of writing that praises someone or something highly, typically someone who has just died.” When someone dies, many of us want to talk about them. We want to share memories, and comfort one another with the funny, sweet, memorable, and noteworthy moments that we shared with them, and the things that we will treasure about them moving forward. As stated in the definition, a eulogy accentuates the positives of a person’s life, shares stories and glimpses of their good character, their generosity, or perhaps their perseverance. As you would imagine, some folks are harder to eulogize than others. I am now more keenly aware of this fact than ever because I may be called upon to speak on behalf of the departed as a minister. I worry that I may someday be called upon to preach the funeral or eulogize a person who did not offer much that is positive to share.
Maybe it’s just me, but I have found my mind starting to wander while listening to the eulogy of others. I wonder how the person being eulogized would feel about the service, the number in attendance, but especially about the words being spoken about them. Would they be proud that their good heart and godly behavior served as an encouragement and example to others? Would they be ashamed, knowing that the good things spoken about them are exaggerated or maybe even undeserved completely. I think about myself and the day when it is my turn. I ask myself, “what will someone say about me someday?”
This is not an article about legacy, or about impressing others. It’s not even a lesson about good example or the generational influence we can have on the world around us. It’s about the realization about death that it will come for us all (unless the Lord comes first), allowing the reminder of that fact to motivate the proper response in me and in you.
What people may or may not say about me when I am gone has no bearing on my eternity. No matter how well they knew me in life, they cannot know the depths of my heart the way God does. They cannot know my darkest secrets, but God can. There will be souls with the Lord in heaven who never had a kind word spoken over their grave. There will sadly be many who suffer in eternity who were loved, venerated, and even “sainted”.
While you are still drawing breath and have the potential to do well, to be an obedient servant, to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself, you can change your eulogy. Even if your past is marred by selfishness and you have left hurt family and friends in your wake, you have the opportunity to set so much right.
I have heard beautiful words spoken at funerals. I have heard about the sacrificial love that was shown by a mother, the kindness and generosity of an old quiet bachelor that no one else knew about. I have heard about the souls brought to Christ and the commitment to personal work. I have been impressed by the memories of folks who lived their lives everyday in service to God, but I have also heard eulogies in which the kindest thing that could be said about the departed was that they possessed a strong work ethic – they were committed to keeping the family housed and fed – they were good to their friends – nothing about God or love or godly living. I have to believe that if God is not mentioned in your eulogy because God was not present in your life, your memorial is a truly sad affair.
What do you want to be said about you after you take your last breath? Why not start being that person today? Perhaps you can rewrite your eulogy. More importantly, you can be more to the people around you and a better servant to your Heavenly Father. Perhaps you can be a better husband or wife, son or daughter, father or mother. Maybe you can be a better friend and brother or sister in Christ. Perhaps you can be a brighter light for Christ, a more encouraging voice. To quote the great Yogi Berra, “It ain’t over until it’s over”. Ask yourself what you would like to be said about you in your eulogy and then start being that person right now.
